I
fled Jesus so about destiny—"He should have stayed a monk!” it was Yahweh
gutting his brains so aloof looking esoteric. I joined the cult a younger sage
while to claim it is to weaken it. such an actor floating in an ambulance a bit
heavy in its structure; the pain in our bowels the ways we negotiate while
giving over conservatorship—a no! no! — his misery but his armor, his bread but
his wine. such self-possession such radicalized humility while I intuit a woman
could have skies; such flame into a caravan, a pack looking like hyenas, while
headed to Sacramento. so much its answer so great our afternoon, while she
thinks of pain as ours—to die liquids to disgust a daughter so ruthless, I may
carry his cross! such clear water, to look over, & see tears
dripping into the sheets. so at love so long it hurts to know we died too
early! I grab grass I sought the grasshopper but she was too susceptible! such
furious rooms such deadly instrumental while too wild to quite put it down. I gripped
a flag, those years it was heinous a twist, while many were on the prowl; the
lion slipped the hinge broke I was a maniac on suspension; its exile its misery
it felt like bastilles—so coarse in conversation, they labeled the ex-monk,
while I knew man! (those eyes they banish me. those grays they redeem me. the
horse has a soul in me.) if but to spin while trekking his ocean to kneel in
sand & cast a prayer. the language of the Ghost the curiosity of the doctor
or the diligence of the carpenter. it
would die with me too young to feel father too absent to form a memory; but a
few, lost in a daze, while everyone blazed ganja. it was heroin to the
nostrils, it was Louisiana to the brains, it was the French Haven. (so lost
those times so found those months to arrive at a cult. too terrific too tragic
a fool would be right to laugh.) so much a feeling, so much Rafael while he
knew the art was lying. so rough so rushed so resisted! we played a game, to match pieces, while
one asked for the core spine. I spoke with an accent they found issue in the
middle of some Projects. such his existential, such a black mulatto, while color
means everything down South.
