I drink helium or gases or lithium
– so much excellence, we must feel perfect, you knew I had problems. so
wrinkled so splattered it’s been 5 p.m. rules – as softened creatures on curfew
at a que or bars for smiling. I said nothing, it was like dying, wild ass
silence. she had a great time, a personal victim, with hellish dogs eating
intestines. tell me rifts or shifts or wrapped in a comforter at 2 p.m. I ran
solace grounds I lied to Jesus I thought he’d miss that. eyes laughing poison
grinning I was so far in. you knew it was pain, you knew it was valiums, you
knew a kid took Ritalin. indeed, you knew mother beat us, while lingering,
you knew she became like tar: so sticky – so dressed up – so many lies. stairs
into clouds I kept walking or climbing or dancing to awaken so empty so uncured
so ghastly. we ate scars filled with tissues adorned in honey – by Promised
Land, by insecurity, by a bag of filthy rags – to question hearts as trying to
decode hearts, we might never know full function of hearts.
I
drink compassion so opposite our nature, I cleave to something good. it pisses
you off you hate that I lived, you despise, nay, abhor those calming
tendencies. you are mean. I sit in patience. you hate I haven’t croaked. I saw
a man in a cape in a scream dreaming me into a problem. too abstract: I saw a
man molest serenity, court a victim, I awoke like a mad-child in his mirror.
too
much confidence. it seems oxymoronic, aside for too much of anything is acute
trauma. but I never said in love. I only churned in love. I gave it out of my
depth. swarming myself, eating knapweed at a swamp ten islands into absence. a
grave for me a woman for me a problem for sea.
let me see you naked. watch how I worship you. tell me in tears to stop loving you. give me Cogentin to calm shivers or shakes, give me acid for a miracle to escape. I need more in you. I drink miseries in you. too acute to break free, a hurdle for an ant, a terror for Elm Street. I was meant for you. we suffer so neatly. I laughed when it hurt.
