when I yawn, I pause, I think of
implication, I remember my life. it seems clear, a muddy diamond, a filthy
compassion. so many scars outside a scream while panic might arise. seated at a
table looking at placeholders or debating those years crawling. by perfect
exclusion so revved over mediocrity while anxious to engage. thoughts we
engrave. silence we impose. feelings we reject. pills we take, or liquor we
quaff, such different, profound negotiators. I watch manipulation. it has been
a scream. we expect a certain response. so, abnormal is deviation, as to
something premeditated, where one must presume a deficit. I say it to analyze
it. it has become affection. where false pretense induces favorable behavior.
one shouldn’t be attuned, or too alert, one must just be insync. but evidence
calls for mindfulness, or wits, while some would disagree. such virgin soil, in
a stronger sense, this is why many pursue our youth—as finding existence where
one isn’t watching, to have life in our courtyard.
I walked a conduit—I listened to unclear
thoughts—I became a certain direction. our sun glistened our moon was over
yonder our stars were there but unseen. something petty as painful something a
curse to its followers. such rage in a child such defensiveness while I refuse
to assert, it hurts. a couch in there a pillow in there a broken television
set. a mood in me a detention center, a place of refuge—a family absent a
family present a family—my first orientation. sullen into a trail watching
birds dance while disappearing into streets. an alley a cat an old washing
machine; such disgusts such neediness while trying to meet demands. a child
surrendered by sure negligence while a room is fraught by mistakes; a swirl of
smoke such glossy eyes while faces would sweat in desperation. such diligence
to obtain it. such absence while interacting. where one becomes alert through
tribulation. a soul interrogates. it learns irony. it calculates through
indifference. it’s too affected to be clear—it’s too hurt to rationalize—everything
seems irrelevant!
