mornings
seem similar. a cup of coffee, a cigarette, while praising interiority. I check
in with softness or design a day where goals are mapped out. I recreate
silence. I pamper a friend. with such reaching catastrophe. I take a guarana or sip something gentle
or rearrange motivations. I consider a plot, or stitch an ambition, while
remembering something shocking. I apologize internally. I map out its coordinates.
I am left unsatisfied. such helicopters such love seats where it isn’t real. to
imagine softer flesh soothing thighs or someone so exclusive we die—those apples
those pomegranates those peaches; as incredible, tamed monsters, or skyscraping
lunatics, or some game we unacknowledged. so much precious pain, so much losing
to find us, so pulled by an indifferent, manipulative world. the way we
discharge us, or cleave despite miracles bleeding, while tiptoeing our own behaviors.
our last chorus our want for love our lives broken. such realization in me. to
understand familiarity. while feeling quite selfish. by a flaming jungle such
running animals while we watch, spread water, or entertain something tragic. by
deaths to adore by wreckage to succumb such travesty in tender eyes; to have
our bodies our unraveling anxieties while wrapped in foreign dominions. I light
another. I get lost in pretend. I sit to write. so much a ritual so embedded
while interruptions seem to dislocate rhythm. I admire some woman I see her terrible I hear
her beauty. sour/sweet desperation. if but to re-veil for a second try. if but
to become too vulnerable. as received in bloom, or cherished despite alleys,
while loving has killed certain ambitions. such dear literature such worlds
inside while something seems like a carnival: those shoes, as they tread, while
the essence condemns a buffoon; to adore something painted up, as never a
glimpse, while one might look hideous. I have made one promise, in the life of
lies, while I have always given my word. it was tender travesty. nothing was
good. while one chastises the victim. sore perfection. power denied. it drives
a human mad.
