I saw
something peculiar in this maze of identities as thoughts of you brought tears;
this angel so afar her hands clutching souls as dragged into fruitage combat;
to arise in you those bold italic lines where such depth oozes from page
to picture-graphs; our daughters such anger while encouraged to tillage a farm or
more this fire such effusion abused by longevity—those nights in black moon as
creative participants to rewrite in blood memoir. I adored something haunting
and God knew her name where Job asked pertinent testimony; our blatant deaths
so cursed it felt terrific while such pain was too steep to climb; such anxious
dejection or luckily a bit of brevity but always so heavy a countenance; those
burgundy eyes or father’s nostrils or mother’s suicidal passions; so disturbed
these millenniums so century our calamities or so perfect no one is listening;
this risqué avenue this cypress in blood-bones or marrow from gut to Wilshire;
while took by appearance and so confused to approach repulsed by inner swamps;
to glaze over an innuendo or to bake a liaison where our aftermath is so
creatively wicked; this life we give to both daughters and sons while needing
to equip these jewels of reason; if but to exhaust an omen if but to
pacify a demon where true activity doesn’t speak about goblins. Offer me
happiness and cleave to wrists and wounds if but to realize something too gray
to articulate; reborn and gunning purely dipped in plutonium so cautious to
scream it from rooftops; this floor tile our agonies trampled under brains and
foot—our deeper anxieties so private and suffocated where a close friend did
damage; this love so intricate where one might die if but to appease something
abusing society; (our darling Swan this tragic evidence so close to
forfeiting dreams; as cruel creatures given to cruel insanities aborted but
running down Rodeo Drive; those electric cures those cursing dimensions so
equipped to live but suffering trepidation; our daughters with fevers our
mothers trying to escape or fathers but trust is so difficult). I’d misuse
an opportunity this theological confession so dearly kept apart these interior
tendencies; so banished to minds as creatures struck by lightning to glow a
fervent exosphere; those deep dynasties, those agricultural anomalies, so
enlove with a feeling I’ve noticed as hatred; our un-soiled mistakes our casual
flirtations if but to give hope to something upon its edges—this leaping
miracle this flaming fire as accursed and living this private Christianity; our
souls by winter our rugs furious with trespasses or this arc raging in pure dynamite;
to greet a stranger hours into our disaster where reality seems so partial to
unrealities; or to meet in hostility to imagine more than essence if but so
cursed to yearn for that creation; at summer disgusts, or flavored chaos,
rebuked and steady claiming love; this fist to clouds this anger to mudslides
or this miracle in you to forgive.
The
voice of the soul offering itself to God: I am an orphan without a mother,
needy and poor I am. Except for Jesus I have no consolation. Only he himself
can quench my soul’s thirst. He himself is the one chosen above all and the
only friend of my heart (Gertrude the Great of Helfta). I expand softly as a
cure for ills while nevertheless a beast uncontained; needing this opportunity
as knowing for wrongness but accursed and lonely with you as savior; our
reborn appetites to exist as a dead man living; so increased into this ravenous
passion where we realize I’d lose that way I gained; this daughter in Swan Thunder
or this mother as too awakened if but to re-channel if but to give one gush as
winds flurry into volcanoes. I walk a petal so indebted to travesties and so
concerned a light those endless portals; to die with pleasures to invest in
something so deceased where resurrection becomes more powerful than that
existence. I order you, nay, I adjure you, in the name of all that persists, to
reevaluate this essence too aflame to touch. Our pineal glands rising, our
hearts with personality, and identification with unease!
