…so driven to adore, so conditioned
to worship, at something so close to God’s emotion: your heart, Flower, your
mind, Gorgeous, so losing, so winning, so confused, Love: to brighten tomorrow,
to forgive today, or letting go and losing more: this vengeful arc, this blown
yesterday, so enthralled, so sky at cliffs, so cloudy, so engendered: to adore
more passion, at Love those grains, so attested, so deceased, and mother cries:
those blue sorrows, this cyan melancholy, plus, so enlove with promise: our
grannies inadequate, our grandpas more to penchants, or uncle attempting to
decode turpentine: this raid running, this fence too high, this father cuffed
for ruined: those girls, Love, this diaper, Love, or mother those tribulation
years:
to feel with passion, to crash
while sipping, adoring this swan angel: so cursed for losing, so entrenched for
desperate, or gunning libraries, or reciting encyclopedias, so charmed to have
obeyed: at thoughts to Edith, this force in cocaine, our nights so invaded:
while disputing karma, this friction in men, where an Asian doll rebuked a
sinning mystic: if but to balloon feelings, if but a pail of helium, so
wretched, so concerned, a man forfeiting logic: at torn goodbyes, at first
glance a fever, while manic thoughts stem from actualities: this cape with
stains, this dread with scars, at
weapons and warn teary: your eyes searching, our guts communing, where mother
worries…. I could sense
intolerance—so cold and distant, so at wars with interior needs: our casual
this, our hectic sugar, or days feeling removed: so many itineraries, so many
frowns, at thoughts and concerns, or slumped and groaning: those stories so
personal, in spite of dispositions, while many are using life as an excuse: to
cover deeper needs, to die with Romans, while a daughter is father’s joy: this
gunning jimpy, this infant membrance, as if daughters relax while desperate:
those scenes in visions, this kleptic contradiction, or oxymoron(s) appealing
to a chosen few: this feudal ferret, this feudal dismissal, where mother is
alive and feeling life: those fathers there, this father here, and life is
wonderful:
attacked and dismissed, determined
dead while laughter reigned, while Love was wandering intellects: hands held
high, chins converting chaos, and deaths determined by demons: this fretting
ice, this cursing atmosphere, or fathers demonized: this wild creature, this
non-submissive black person, plus, granny never approved: such hatred, such a
broken spine, but Love needed such a sentence: our noon prayers, our livid
spacial(s), or more this alley to cessation: so unheard, so listened to, while
contention was considered childish: this Denver hike, this Colorado Mall, or
shunning for it seems to deliver: as never it was, wherever it thought, while
father adores his swan: this deadman, so close to losing, while depending upon
Scripture and Science and this slew of volts: so charmed this second, so early
to arise, where Love needed something this instance in time: if but to live, if
but to find daughter, if but to rebuke a tale of abandonment:
for adoration floats, heart-phones
provoke, and total isolation carries its company: those wilder suggestions, as
if to forgive, while years paraded and distorted projectors: this film at
pillows, this pain at mirrors, or looking for witnessing everyone with a
father: so icy this flight, so cold this might, or parachuting every particular
wish: afloat a dynasty, so legal with sullenness, or plain at a particular
rage: this seed in Adullam, this cave embedded, so accustomed to lies and
disappointments: but mother gives life, and stepfather participates, plus,
grandparents redeem moments: this clique in friends, this special feeling,
while disappearing into fantasy: this best friend, this fool’s world, while
father is a bad influence: as cut from Satan, or specious and dying, where some
fathers are incapable of beating odds!
