Such
ghetto nectar, floored in ramen, or damaged for orientated: this desert eagle,
this Forty Ounce guzzle, this Night Train fool: to disappear, this circuit
loop, this violent and subtle volt: those lines to gods, this born performance,
or electric kryptonite: to ask for Machiavelli, to drift aborted, at memories
this garden and Kierkegaard: therewith, this bleeding ink, this ruined Versace,
as looking for crucial this understanding: to cut garlic, to mince onions, as
if time stood still: those reckless cries, those moistened glass-deaths, to
crystallize an evening of disasters: this longing grave, this intimate funeral,
or months forgotten digging into Jesus: at fantast lovelocks, this pistol
mentality, this morbid Officer—as hit with shrapnel, to arise screaming, while
friends sipped his blood. I need
proofs, I need our experience, I dug for digging fretting ghosts: this
brain-war, this reborn yogi, this claimant analyzed by mystics: to ask his
life, this musical koan, this failing kitsch: those desert eyes, this planet to
spar with, this congratulated
loser—to sense affection, to read his travesty, while cursed for shackles:
those seconds crying, those minutes wailing, this floor with memories: or
linchpin mania, this winsome whisper, or those tales where Love was paranoid:
this granny looking, this filth in guts, this survivor too frigid for
normalities: as children laughing, while mother passions, to force a
conversation: this door flung, this ceiling choked, or mirrors falling from
grace: at maniac composure, to imbue this fireplace, at Love a bit tragically:
if but ingratiation, or dead reviews, this censored academic: to hate his guts,
for Love was quiet, to pretend that wounds speak in tongues: that craving
disaster, this long-come argument, this terrified family: if but to try aches,
if but to trash cocaine, where behavior is just by sameness: these rabid
offenses, these childhood indiscretions, or this rebound opinionated trait: at
foolish prayer-wishes, or guts thumped through hearts, or spiritual direction—at
sanctum cores, or splinters to relations, while fueled for grievances: at paths
feeling insecure, at difficulties closing our mouths, or steady for impending
emotions: this thing with compliments, this needed exchange, as two embark
afloat Sunday Mass: this remote fireball, this luminous keystone, this
border-line between pathos and ethos—as drifting this lot, aflame in logos, while fleeing into
mass-machinery. (…open his
intentions, read his obituary, and witness three days to resurrection: this
bible dictionary, this scriptural encyclopedia, to ask concerning, Tamar: our
bowels scrutinized, to outsoar depression, while this visit measures his minds:
this rose-patch, this daisy reality, or this ant identifying his bible: to lean
by messages, this inner compass, these mental tetras, or pieces missing too
many years: those cultic waves, this certain frequency, as Love evolved and
died: this rising misery, to gloat so high, while feeling so humble—this
froward emotion, this pensive insanity, at sacral ingestion: our tears, Love,
our wistful hearts, or this reality outlined in mud: at caves scribing, at
petroglyphs your pain, at Jesus disguised as John: where remorse drips passion,
and ink trembles, at veils, veneers, and deep risks…).
…we
exist this way, our nib-musicals, analyzing our media mentors: those fabulous
blouses, this rich sandcastle, this dream forever—as dying in goodness, or aflame in badness, our brains at fantasts battles:
or fatidic cries, or long this pash, where Love disappeared a traveling
continent: our mystic egos, our yogic overseers, or our Id shamans: to sense
this existence, as pure consciousness, to again this forgotten journey: where
thoughts are today’s, and intuition belongs to yesteryears, while seconds are
rarely déjàvu: that exact increment, those exact eyes, or this familiar
dynamic: to meet something incredible, to share figs, to cast out feelings: our
insecure pleadings, our natural disasters, or Love so aglow our nights feel
forbidden: as struck with thunder, too wicked to explain, and too charged to
retreat….
